Our shares - Can't not won't

Every child is different.
Be kind to yourself.

Our top 5 everyday strategies

Sensory processing – work with an OT to establish the sensory diet required. Ours is about interoception using slings; weighted blankets; rocking; ‘squash and squeeze’. He can ‘feel’ things in his insides I’ve never thought about!
Animal therapy – cat cuddles (literally); learning through them “what would (insert pet name) tell us about your day?”
Declarative language and upfront contracts – explain everything through ‘the science’. You can’t catch them out, everything will be logged and referred to. Fact files with natural consequences help us navigate things from why we wear certain clothing for certain temperatures to how to communicate in different contexts.
Picture Exchange Communication Systems (PECS) – provide visual reminders for sequences of events in a day/ week/ holiday/ term; also good for building social stories.
Soft clothing & ‘cuddleys’- no labels, no seams, nothing ‘crumply’. When you find something that works for your child, buy in bulk and buy the next sizes up. Having a safe cuddley to talk through is useful – ‘what does big meow think?’

A good play therapist who observes your child is worth their weight in gold:

Planned ignoring – to help prevent them continuing with behaviors you don’t want to reward with attention.
Logical consequences – these should be short and linked to the action. There is no point connecting consequences after an event they lose impact and create more problems.
Problem solving – help the child find out solutions for themselves, explore their problem, pose a range of solutions some silly some realistic. This feeds into PDA – ‘Drive for Autonomy’.
Escalation – avoid at all costs. If your child escalates their behaviour to get a response try to diffuse the situation not escalate it on your side as well. Otherwise it will keep notching up and is harder to bring down. Leave the space, ignore, provide options, offer a ‘deal’ for an upfront contract. I know this is hard, we don’t always have this mastered, but we always have planned escape route. This is not giving in but providing safe spaces at all times.
Rewards – these sometimes work; often demand avoidance is so high he can’t tolerate being rewarded and equally can’t cope with praise. Only the most specific sincere praise pasts the test – he calls out fake ‘patronizing praise’ a mile off – as some adults have found out.

The neurodiverse voices we enjoy hearing from

Podcasts/ webinars/ documentaries

Books

Mavir, H. Your child is not broken. 2022
Patel, C. Play Therapy Activities. 2022.
Wharmby, P. How the world isn’t built for autistic people and what we should do about it. Un-typical. 2023.
Faber, A. How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk. 2012.
Cole, E. I am stronger than anger. A picture book for children.

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