“He is endlessly curious, fiercely compassionate, funny…”

Our Story

Three years ago, we began writing Can’t Not Won’t because our family suddenly found ourselves navigating a world we knew very little about: autism, ADHD, anxiety, Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA), education law and a school system that often seemed impossible to understand.

Then life happened. The blog fell silent because our lives became consumed by simply getting through each day.

Our son is now 10 years old. He is autistic, has ADHD and presents with a PDA profile. He is endlessly curious, fiercely compassionate, funny in ways that catch you off guard, and happiest when surrounded by animals, especially cats. Like many children with complex differences, his behaviour has often been misunderstood. What looked like defiance to others was, more often than not, anxiety, sensory overload or a nervous system overwhelmed by demands.

The last three years took us on a journey we could never have imagined.

Social isolation at school.

Emotionally Based School Avoidance.

Self-harm.

Home education.

Leaving a career I loved.

Learning more about SEND law than I ever expected to know.

Completing an MA in Inclusion to better understand not only my son, but the systems and policies surrounding him and us.

And finally, after a lengthy tribunal process, securing the specialist school placement he had always needed.

Today, he is calmer. He feels understood. He is learning again. Most importantly, he is beginning to rediscover the joy of simply being a child. His environmental change has been a true revelation and whilst it is everything we’d hoped for, the reality is so much more.

This blog isn’t about blame. Along our journey we met extraordinary teachers, teaching assistants, clinicians and professionals whose compassion changed the course of our family’s life. We also encountered systems that, despite the best intentions of many working within them, were often unable to meet children like our son where they were.

Can’t Not Won’t is our attempt to make sense of those experiences.

We’ll be sharing honest reflections on parenting, education, autism, PDA, anxiety, inclusion, advocacy and everything in between. Some posts will be practical, some deeply personal and some, I hope, will make you smile, as even in the hardest moments, humour often helped us survive.

If our story helps even one family feel less alone, then reopening this blog will have been worthwhile.

Welcome to our journey.