Every autistic child is different, explore what works for you.
Be kind to yourself and remember, good enough is good.
Here are some strategies and resources that help us and could help you too.

Our top 5 everyday strategies

  1. Sensory processing – slings; weighted blankets; rocking; ‘squash and squeeze’.
  2. Animal therapy – cat cuddles (literally); learning through them “what would (insert pet name) tell us about your day?”
  3. Upfront contracts – explain everything! PDAers learn best when they have informed evidence and can base decisions on the evidence. YOU CAN’T TRICK THEM.
  4. Picture Exchange Communication Systems (PECS) – provide visual reminders for sequences of events in a day/ week/ holiday/ term; also good for building social stories.
  5. Soft clothing – no fuss, soft clothing, such as: crocs; no seam socks; nothing ‘crumply’ no labels. When you find something that works for your child, buy in bulk and buy the next sizes up.

Play therapists are worth their weight in gold. Some insights they have recommended to us that we use:

  1. Planned ignoring – to help prevent them continuing with behaviors you don’t want to reward with attention.
  2. Logical consequences – these should be short and linked to the action. There is no point connecting consequences after an event they lose impact and create more problems.
  3. Problem solving – help the child find out solutions for themselves, explore their problem, pose a range of solutions some silly some realistic.
  4. Escalation – avoid at all costs. If your child escalates their behaviour to get a response try to diffuse the situation not escalate it on your side as well. Otherwise it will keep notching up and is harder to bring down. Leave the space, ignore, provide options, offer a ‘deal’ for an upfront contract. I know this is hard, we don’t always master this technique!
  5. Rewards – these sometimes work; often G’s demand avoidance is so high he can’t tolerate being rewarded. He often can’t cope with praise in some situations and when praise works it is only for the most sincere praise that pasts the tests – he sniffs bullshit-patronizing praise a mile off (as some adults have found out!)

Blogs

  1. https://www.ambitiousaboutautism.org.uk/about-us/media-centre/blog
  2. https://www.purpleella.com/category/autistic-spectrum/
  3. https://theautisticadvocate.com/

Podcasts/ webinars/ documentaries

  1. https://www.thesendcast.com/ – a really good episode on PDA parenting! 2022.
  2. https://www.witherslackgroup.co.uk/resources/sensational-the-special-educational-needs-podcast/. 2023.
  3. https://thecavendishschool.org.uk/autism-education-network/ – a good ‘go to’ for the latest expert advice; they also have a brilliant PDA webinar I have watched about 5 times and recommend to SENDcos I meet. 2023.
  4. Inside our autistic minds. BBC2. BBC iPlayer. 2023.

Books

  1. Mavir, H. Your child is not broken. 2022
  2. Patel, C. Play Therapy Activities. 2022.
  3. Wharmby, P. How the world isn’t built for autistic people and what we should do about it. Un-typical. 2023.
  4. Faber, A. How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk. 2012.
  5. Cole, E. I am stronger than anger. A picture book for children.

Websites

  1. Facebook groups – have been a great source of support for us. Check out your local groups. We have found Bedfordshire Connect invaluable for staying connected when life gets busy, and great for holiday SEN finds. Always take recommendations from other SEND parents you know. If you have a specific need, such as EHCP or DLA advice, there will be groups for these specific tasks to drop in, and out, off.
  2. National Autism Society, https://www.autism.org.uk/
  3. SENDIASS – find your local provider here, https://councilfordisabledchildren.org.uk/about-us-0/networks/information-advice-and-support-services-network/find-your-local-ias-service

Upcoming blogs on Can’t not won’t:

  • The child with “the most to lose”.
  • The anxiety lens: stick-gate.
  • The 90% mum.
  • Meltdowns: not all 7YO act like this.
  • Success to failure – surely it should be the other way around?
  • What is advocating?
  • How can the classroom teacher help PDA learners? Strategies that work and why.
  • Should wrap-around childcare be inclusive? (An argument for why it should.)
  • Gaslighted – the reality for SEN parents.
  • To medicate or not to medicate? ADHD parenting.
  • Exploring the growing social gap.
  • The importance of strong women in the SEND community.
  • Making adaptions.
  • Setting up support systems.