Welcome! We are a mum and dad team muddling through bringing up our two brilliantly bonkers boys G is 7 and H is 4. Can’t not Won’t is a joint blog about our experiences of parenting G, an autistic (PDA profile) extremely anxious and sensory child with the biggest heart. We share insights, anecdotes, tips and tricks that we have uncovered the hard way and explore the intense highs and lows that wreck havoc whilst being uncontrollably funny (usually with hindsight) at times. We continue to move forwarded through learning from G.
Why this why now? We recently had an experience that rocked our family’s foundations and were advised that journaling would help us to process and regain some control. As we explored our shared experience and sometimes differing views we realized we were at the tip of the iceberg and what had been revealed was the toll years of extreme parenting has taken on us. It turns out that we were also masking and hadn’t accepted how much we have had to adjust, adapt and advocate to support our beautiful boy; we have found strength in acknowledging this.
Mum works in mainstream secondary education, and has done for 15 years, she is grounded in curriculum development and teaching and learning, and thought that she understood the significant role that teachers and schools play in the lives of SEND students and their families. It turns out she had a lot more to learn that CPD did not cover!
Dad is the director of a recruitment company, which specializes in welfare to work, and regularly places the frontline workers for both children and adults living with additional needs and learning difficulties. His insights into recruitment and retention of these key workers is fascinating.
This means we both have an understanding of the system, all be it from a different angle. We combine our perspectives to provide context and insights. And, we made a deal early on with each other: that where we find the system ‘broken’ for either systemic or individual reasons we call it out.
We want to share our story in the hope that it helps others. We hope you find this space accessible, comforting and importantly that you gain some practical nuggets to take away, and no doubt to apply on your own neurodivergent and autism parenting journey. You can also find us on Instagram @cantnotwontpda
Thank you for showing up to listen and not to judge. If you’d like to share your experiences we’d love to hear from you.